I just finished watching Dr.Phil~
YaVaughnie says she went to an extreme by renting billboards in three cities to show everyone that she was her boyfriend’s longtime partner and not his mistress. But when the billboards went up, she said her world came crashing down. Two years later, YaVaughnie opens up for the first time about her news-making scandal and why she claims she took such an extreme measure.
Can we say Narcissistic ?
If you have had a relationship or relationships where you felt something was totally off.
You are not alone.
These red flags are notices too us. We usually do not pay attention because we are so in love. It couldn’t be true…not my man aka my woman.
Our best friends and family try to get us to see.They show us proof,we still are in denial. Ex girlfriends tell us the gruesome details of their betrayal but YOUR Love is different and you so want to believe.
What does it take to finally realize that we have been deceived,hoodwinked,betrayed by the one person we trusted with our heart ?
Sometimes the first round with this individual doesn’t do it for us, we repeat the same pattern again and sometimes again.After we are free of them we may go on too others who are like clones of this person. But~ it always feels different and we hope it is. Finally,we get it. We have allowed it. Something in us has attracted this person,this collector of hearts. They sensed a weakness,a need in us. They took advantage of our vulnerability.
How do you react ? Do you seek revenge ? Go around bad mouthing the person for all there un~worth ?
Write and post for all the world too see, as the lady did with the billboards,as I did with online rants.
It doesn’t help…the person we want to heal and that would be us.It just makes us feel a bit better for a moment.A band-aid to cover the wound of our broken hearts.It temporarily takes the pain away for revenge is sometimes so sweet.It also is vindictive,and we lower ourselves to their level when we allow our minds to exact the revenge in our feeling hearts.
They don’t feel so it makes no difference too them.
They are on too their next victim before your fingers have released the keys typing your rant,before that in most cases.
Making Peace with Your Past: Choosing Forgiveness
Are you haunted by something that happened in your past? Whether someone wronged you or you made a decision you regret, Dr. Phil says that forgiveness is what you do for yourself, not for other people. When you forgive, it doesn’t mean that you approve of what’s happened. Rather, it means that you’re giving yourself permission to move on with your life.
Forgiveness is a choice. Don’t wait for it to just wash over you all of a sudden. You have to choose it.
Don’t give your power away. The pain of what happened is inevitable, but continuing to suffer is optional. The only person you can control is you. By constantly reliving the pain of what happened, you are giving your power away to the person who wronged you.
Don’t cling to negative feelings. Anger is nothing more than an outward sign of hurt, fear, guilt, grief or frustration. While the pain may never completely disappear, forgiveness can help you release the anger and bring those in your life closer to you.
There is no right timeline for recovery. For some people, making peace happens suddenly and spontaneously. For others, it takes time and effort. You may have to make a conscious effort every day to forgive. To say, “I’m letting this go. I’m not going to invest hatred, bitterness, anger, resentment in this person anymore.” You can find closure in forgiveness.
You can’t change the things that happened in your life, but you can decide how you interpret and respond to them. If you didn’t receive support when you needed it, give it to yourself now.
Listen to your internal dialogue. What are you saying to yourself? Write them down without censoring them. Is what you’re saying fair and true? If not, generate new ways of thinking. Someone may have said horrible things to you long ago, but it’s possible you took over for them when it stopped.
Consider what you need to do to get emotional closure. Maybe you just need a simple apology. Find your Minimal Effective Response ” the easiest thing you can do to resolve your pain.
Share your experience with others. Finding a lesson in what happened can help put the experience in perspective and your emotions in check. People can thrive and suffer at the same time.