Letting Go~20 Seconds to Comply

I made some decisions last year. I reminded myself that I had options. Which door would I choose?

1.Remove myself from the situation

2.Change it

3.Accept it.

These acts create happiness; holding bitterness never does.

I chose door number 1.

This may seem harsh and judgmental, but many of us do not really know our deepest self, our deepest identity, and even who our real friends are. Please consider this statement carefully.

I have not seen or had a conversation with them since last April for the female and December for the male. I took time out of my life to be there unconditionally.

The former female acquaintance had a habit of belittling me; and telling me I talked too much. She said my stories were old.
Numerous times I was told too shut up and get out of their house.

I have let them go and allowed them space to be.

The male had a bad habit of collecting hearts which in turn produced children. He continuously assured me he loved me and only me.

I appreciate the lesson that I was taught by their erratic behavior towards me.

It has been very challenging to go about this conflict in this way, which I chose for myself.

It was a time of great intensity and I have needed much strength to keep at it until I felt I was through.

I can finally say with utmost sincerity “I Am Done”

To any body who chooses to go on this path the rewards are incredible, as to find inner peace of such depth is worth all the pain.

Letting go does not just propel you in any other direction. It is just a total and repeated nothingness.You are emptying the mind and the emotions so that something else can come in and show you your way.

This peace within, or your lack thereof, always affects those around you. When you choose peace within, others see that they too have this choice. This is a wonderful gift. Open daily.

However, if you continue to be caught up in outer events and tied to your past traumas, anger and resentments, you will keep those around you somewhat caught up as well.

If your presence didn’t make an impact in someone’s life, your absence won’t either!
Give the gift of your absence to those who do not appreciate your presence.

Things happen…it pains us.
Sometimes it is the pain that makes US realize the change that needs to occur.
Sometimes the pain of all the hurts has too be “Let Go”

You might wonder why some persons are so verbally abusive, judgmental, insulting and at times just plain mean and hateful. Why do we even bother ?

Just think of them as sandpaper.
They may scratch you and rub you in the wrong way but eventually you will be polished and smooth.
The sandpaper on the other hand will be …of no relevance

I moved on. I will not allow that behavior in my life from anyone ever again.

There should be more sincerity and heart in human relations, more silence and simplicity in our interactions.

Be rude when you’re angry, laugh when something is funny, and answer when you’re asked.

A poem my sister sent me years ago on Letting Go.

“Letting Go”

As children bring their broken toys with

tears for US to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to you because

you are my friend

But instead of leaving YOU in peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help him in ways that were my own.

At last,I snatched them back and cried,

” How could you be so slow???”

” My child,” he/she said.

“What could I do? YOU NEVER DID LET GO”


Jus Saying

A Good Companion is sometimes hard to find, where it used to be a hard man is good too find


This was a commissioned oil painting I had done in 2009. I was 60 at the time.

I woke early today and stared at my oil portrait. I started asking it questions. I know I’m weird sometimes.

Wanting answers to why I always chose men in my life that either loved me too much or not enough.

Men that could not keep their dicks in their pants for one reason or the other. They always felt the grass had to be greener on the other side.
Like the monkey on a limb, they would not let go until they had a firm hold on someone new.

Like the saying goes “One thing leads to another”

I have been there.

I am far from perfect.

I wanted a man in my life that could fulfill 3 things.

  • 1.  Intellect which also consisted of trust, honesty, compassion.
  • 2.  A need to be physically spent
  • 3.  If at all a feasible an option of being financially stable.

Most of these 3 options have eluded me throughout my life.

Then I really looked at the portrait staring so intently back at me.

I realized that the three options needed revisions.

  • 1. A Good Companion is sometimes hard to find, where it used to be a hard man is good too find
  • 2. Exercise~Taking care of myself physically and mentally
  • 3.  Making do with what I have too work with. (Not looking for someone to take care of me)

It’s not so much about getting ‘Laid” anymore.

It’s all about how laid back you are 🙂

Health~Wealth~Abundance and Time too Enjoy.

Most persons who know me would describe me as a very compulsive personality with a need to be always right.

At least a person who got the last word in whether it be right or wrong.

Most likely it could be said that throughout my life I did pretty much what I wanted.
At times I have been known to be very hard-headed, very stubborn and set in my way. I did not care about consequence of action.

According to this quote and my dad always saying it…
“A hard head makes a soft behind” ~goes years back from when children would be stubborn (or) hard-headed and disobey their parents in which case they got spankings (aka) a soft behind.”

This has gotten me in many holes in the sidewalk so too speak.

There’s a Hole in my Sidewalk
by Portia Nelson

I. I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in
It isn’t my FAULT.
It takes forever to find my way out.
II. I walk down the street
There is a deep HOLE in the sidewalk
I pretend I don’t see it
I FALL in again…
I can’t believe I’m in the same place
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III.I walk down the same street
There is a deep HOLE in the sidewalk
I see it is there
I see it is there.
I still FALL in…it’s a HABIT…but my eyes are open
I KNOW where I am
It is my FAULT

IV. I walk down the same street
There is a deep HOLE in the sidewalk

After rereading I wrote this on 3/7/11

My path has been one of many highs and lows. Unforeseen pebbles and at times boulders strewn in front of me.

I fell in many holes in my side-walk of discovery.

I chose to get out, to avoid those holes.

I was involved with some for the wrong reasons~ Now I am not involved for the right reasons

There are no Holes in my sidewalk.

Fall into enough of the holes in the sidewalks of life and you may become whole.
Through the lessons of the holes of life, you approach wholeness.
Becoming whole means striving to be all that you can be. All potentialities are explored.
You know what you do, and why you do it.
Choices are made, and you are responsible for these choices.
The holes in the sidewalk are actually invitations to grow.

I have also been very determined to get out, to crawl if need be.

My home life in the early years was very inconsistent.
My parents never seemed to be in agreement on many things.
This resulted in my tendency to not make any decisions.

My mom was Jehovah’s Witness, my Dad was very much into the John Birch Society. My grandparents were Freemasons.

I started out with “The Flow” “Anyway the Wind blows”, this has stuck with me throughout life.
Never a plan so too speak.

I married and had my only child at 19 years of age. She is an adult now with her own issues concerning how her parents raised her.

This thing called “Life” is what happens. It happens to all of us, some sooner than others.

The journey, the realizations, the questions of immortality never seem to come to some. Others, it seems like a light has went off and it has lit up everything that was hidden away in the darkness.

Looking at my portrait, I see someone saying “Can you really see me ?”

Do you know that suffering of any person or animal brings tears to my eyes ?

Do you realize how much I care for the person who is down and seemingly out ?

Is it apparent too you how I do put myself in another’s shoes and walk there walk on many occasions ?

That’s the way it is.

My parents raised me the best they could with the light they had to see with.

Knowing when too Hold and when to Fold.

I also have to ask myself why I was so insecure in recent years ?

I have little respect if any when persons insist I be there cup of tea or else.

After all I have my own thoughts and feelings, I do not need anyone else’s.

Invalidation, is what I am talking about and some do not get it.


Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, or diminish someone’s feelings. It is an attempt to control how they feel and for how long they feel it.

I am thankful for the lessons learned.

2Cynthia_Sig_Aqua copy

The Colors of Phoenix

Phoenix Tattoo
My Phoenix

Click Picture to see larger view

Like the Phoenix, Scorpios are survivors. Emotionally they may perish in the ashes of their own destructive nature. But they can also transcend and transform; they can bring forth from the ashes new and shining life. During this phase their intense perceptions will bend toward compassion understanding, rather than judgment. Their eroticism will reach beyond passion, toward love.

Scorpios have the capacity for high spiritual development, but, astrologers say, their path toward it is the most difficult in the zodiac. They must be alchemists, transmuting dark nature and selfish impulse into purified desire, striving to discipline themselves and to curb and channel their great destructive power toward constructive ends.

A phoenix is a mythical bird with a colorful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet (or purple, blue, and green according to some legends. It has a 500 to 1000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again. The new phoenix is destined to live as long as its old self. In some stories, the new phoenix embalms the ashes of its old self in an egg made of myrrh and deposits it in the Egyptian city of Heliopolis (literally “sun-city” in Greek).

It is said that the bird’s cry is that of a beautiful song.

The Phoenix’s ability to be reborn from its own ashes implies that it is immortal, though in some stories the new Phoenix is merely the offspring of the older one. In very few stories they are able to change into people.

Dark Night of the Soul

It is difficult to know that your heart is not beating freely if the weight of the ego upon it is all you’ve ever known. Almost everyone suffers the same ailment. When we pass through the Dark Night we realize “I am a free Self and still connected to the world.”

Dark Night of Soul

The Mystic (Dark and light)

Embracing the Dark~Honoring the Light

Pluto Inner Darkness


Shadow People

I have been seeing shadow people for a very long time…I always thought they were a form of ghost.They never harmed me and they were never around for long periods of time.