Under My Heart


mothers-day-surprise-gift-box

I was 12 years old when an unorganized religion informed my mother of a different path.

A  promise of everlasting life on a paradise Earth. It would effect our entire lives for many many years to come.

Life changing.

All Days that began with HAPPY or MERRY ; were not too be celebrated in anyway.

Jehovah and Mother’s Day

 So Mama, this is for you.

I found a huge box and I have put lots of LOVE in it. Your favorite Channel #5, a soft silky handkerchief,  flower seeds, a bottle of grape Manischewitz wine. 

Over the years I made a point to gift you on other days. But than you cut me out of your life. Again, because an organized religion told you I was a apostate.

For YEARS at a time.

I moved far away.

I lost contact with family and close relatives.

The Holidays became unimportant days. Just a date on the calendar where everyone else seemed to go into debt to make sure someone else was Happy.

My dad was ecstatic, as he never liked spending too much money on any one thing.

The Holidays and Birthdays before I turned 12 are fondly remembered

Jehovah Witness

A group of people who’s faces are flat from getting doors slammed in their faces.

This does a great JOB of summing up:

The name of a religious cult who get brainwashed by mind control techniques into believing that their interpretation of the Bible is better than anyone else’s.
It was started by some idiot that got this vision of the world coming to an end in 1914. When 1914 came and went, he then managed to persuade his flock that it would happen in 1942. When 1942 came and went, well let me put it this way… Anyone who would even think about joining this cult is mentally ill to begin with.
They publish some toilet trash called the Watch Tower and are also known as the Watch Tower Society and JWs. In 1933 their leaders conspired with Hitler against the Jews. Several of their top members were thrown in jail for committing fraud, larceny, sexual deviant acts, etc. But somehow the cult manages to go on. Go figure.
If a member deviates in any way from their way of life all other members are required to scorn them. This is just one of their many mind control techniques.
But the worse thing about JWs is that every year hundreds of children die because these geniuses think that “Thou shalt not eat blood” refers to life saving transfusions instead of becoming a vampire.

Jehovah’s Witnesses are the “False Prophets” that God refers to in the Bible. When one comes to your door, just give them a copy of the letter their leaders sent in support of Hitler and tell the bigots to fuck off.

by Alfie The Horndog August 10, 2005

You carried me under your heart.

I carry you in my heart.

red signature with red tan heart

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Two Sundays


Last Sunday

Wow, it’s been a weird day. It started out fine.
I love sitting in my director’s chair feeding all the creatures that come too greet me. Especially on the weekend with no hustle and bustle of the school kids going off on the buses that come one by one to pick them up. The garbage collector doesn’t run either so those horrid sounds are not missed. Coffee in hand, it is a beautiful Sunday morning. The sky an azure pastel as it starts to brighten up the day. It is so interesting watching the cats so amused and yet fearful to step even an inch out the front door which I am thankful for. It is quite in the apartment. I can still hear frogs and crickets from the bedroom window. The heat of the day has begun.

Hens_Chicks_April
Dreams entertained me until I heard a faint “I love you , Mama” as Rhea was going out the door to work at 2:45. When I did get up it was 3 in the afternoon.
So, I am feeling a bit odd. I evidently needed to sleep. The other night I had nightmares. I woke Rhea calling out to “Mommie” over and over. No one could hear me in my dream.
Than several others that have went the elusive way of dreams.
And when I do sleep soundly, it seems like I dream the whole entire time.

It’s like going to a movie that lasts all night.

Power_Nightmares_Creation

This Sunday

Last Evening

A very loud crash, the birds were just covered and than BOOM. The silverware tray I had attached to the wall with all my nick-knacks and smaller crystals came down when Minnie’s frame fell off the wall striking it. I suppose when I covered the parakeet cage the cover perhaps rubbed the frame the wrong way.

The cats woke me with crying like they had not been fed in days.

Put the crystals and other nics on the other wall.

Drama continues, too many holes in the cheese.

The Baby shower was nice. I sat out on the lounge and watched the waves come off shore.

Royal_Beach (2)

Dear Mommy


Mama_2004

Dear Mother.
As I sit here and reminisce about you, our family I just wanted too thank you for the love and care you showed me as a child. Clean clothes, wonderful homemade meals, a kind word, a shoulder too cry on. So many little things that probably went unnoticed and unappreciated at the time.

Later in my adult life you didn’t speak too me for 12 years and I always felt cast out of your life. The same way I had been casted from THAT religion.

The first time we saw each other again after those 12 long years seemed as no time had passed.

Yet it had.

Moments, laughter that could have been shared as it should have been.

Than years later being shunned yet again. Than you left this earthly realm.

You called the day before your surgery to say you loved me.

The few mementos I have from you will always be cherished. Your dolly in the bottle, your pretty embroidered handkerchiefs. The heart jewelry box with your snap on earrings that kill my ear lobes. Your original wedding band from 1945 that I wear everyday.

Keepsake_Mama_Doll

Where ever it is that you are you always will be in my heart. You reside in my mirror when I gaze at myself.

Your beliefs took precedence and I can not fault you for your journey. It took me sometime to realize that indeed each of our journey’s are unique and of our own making.

I Love you always Mommy.

The Dolls


 

 

I first read this story on Facebook and then researched Google “The Dolls” and found it.

My_RaggedyAnneRaggedyDoll_MamaMade1

 

Photographs © Cynthia Martz 2014

 

The Story about the Dolls

 

My mama made all her girls Raggedy Ann’s. After all the years she still looks beautiful. I never put her in plastic casing as some persons do. I let her breathe, and she followed me wherever I found myself.

 

The stories she could tell Smile

Starfish – Saving One Makes All the Difference in the World


Today is my daughter’s 45 th Birthday.

As I mentioned in an prior blog   18 Wheels to Key West  she was my Starfish thrower and she saved me when she hypothetically threw me back in the ocean.

It reminds me of that song by Pink Floyd  “Wish You Were Here”

Excerpt from lyrics:

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We’re just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.

I was that lost soul.

I have been clean since 1998. I arrived in Key West in 92.  Needlessness too say old habits die hard sometimes. I backslid on numerous occasions.

She was still in my corner.

We’re like Starfish…saving one makes all the difference in the world

 

The Starfish Story

Kids_Visit_12-Starfish

adapted from The Star Thrower
by Loren Eiseley (1907 – 1977)

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

“I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?” asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, “It made a difference for that one.”

 

The opal starfish is a replica of the starfish ring, that now resides on her finger that I also gifted her with.

Starfish_Ring

Click to Enlarge

I designed this for her and put it in a beautiful frame.

My_Sand_Pillow_Starfish

© Cynthia Martz 2013

I also burned her our favorite songs from the Breaking Bad series.

Crystal Blue Persuasion

Jane’s Demise

TIMBER TIMBRE – MAGIC ARROW

ENCHANTED

Los Zafiros – He Venido

If I Had A Heart

Who’s Gonna Save My Soul

One By One

We Are Born When We Die

TRUTH

Black

The Long Walk Alone

Line Of Fire

Baby Blue

Farewell Breaking Bad

 

The Planet Mars…

Mars gets too me in ways I feel overwhelmed at times. I can be so intense and that intensity when it comes to debates, sex, enthusiasm gets over charged at intervals. I really try to be less forceful, but my plutonium and Martian ways always seem too burst forth with little or no control. I mean well and have good intent, it just is taken the wrong way at times.

Sometimes I wonder if person’s really are listening…it seems if they were;  they would see what I was trying to say , not what they perceived me too say.