Halloween 2012


I felt creative and decided to post a Halloween Greeting from my cats and birdies.

Our_cats_birds_pumpkins

Copyright ©2012 Cynthia Martz

Original picture source Unknown

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Down on Our Farms


Charcoal Blend Home

A picture I sketched in 1989 of The Old Martz Farm

 

Last evening I watched a wonderfully protrayed documentary called “Bitter Seeds” It is the same people that gave us China Blue and The Wal-Mart Wars.

The most recent information on this matter can be found here.

I grew up on a farm. Farming has always been the way of my world. My father farmed, his parents, their parents. We survived each year by having seeds that were used from previous crops.

From source:

“Nature, when left alone, provides you with the means to propagate the next harvest in a never-ending cycle.”

Monsanto has changed all of this .Genetically modified and engineered seeds are destroying us in more ways to one. The Prop 37  bill which will be voted on the November 6 th ballot will ask that all GE-GM product be labeled as such.

A interesting clip taken from the movie Food,Inc.

The sweetness is gone

The bees are killed by the Roundup spray. Worms take over the crops. The chemicals are known cancer predecessors.

You are what you eat.

Drinking water has fluoride in it

Organically grown makes me wonder ?

Mosquito sprays have cancer links

Makes me hate to go into a grocery store.

The meat isle scares me sometimes.

I think of all the animals , how they are inhumanly raised and treated.

Then tortured and  killed so we can pay exorbitant prices and have a feast of them.

Trying 2 Dance


dancers

The Dance of Youth

by Pablo Picasso

I’m trying to Dance.

Names changed

I went to see Purple today and he was there. An EX stopped in to clean his window shield but I think he came to see Purple but noticed her new interest and made up something.

I then went too Publix and got needed items, I went for cat food but of course ended up with other items I needed.

Then came home and made Chicken breast fried and cut up , hamburger for Taco’s and they were delicious. I added wasabi to the chicken. Purple came home rushing as always and misplacing things. Her mind is so scattered with HIM on her brain and all the other stuff of everyday.

I checked the mail and the sunny seat for the cats was in my mailbox. It did not fit the window and I had to attach it sideways. The cats still love it.

Sun_Seat_Minnie

Minnie on her Sunny window seat.

The rest of the mail I took a quick glance at and figured it was trash mail. Then my sister’s name caught my eye and the contents looked like something I should open. Glad I did. My sweet sister sent me a very nice early monetary check gift for my birthday on the 18 th of November.

I put water on to boil for tea, waited a bit and then placed the tea bags and asked her  to remind me. When Purple was leaving she said “Mom, is something burning”?”

It was the tea. The bags had exploded and made a mess. I knew even if I strained it, the tea would be way past too strong.

Perhaps I am a bit scattered myself ?

I started another pot, round two. I waited till it boiled and set it to the side. The stove was a mess too clean but then again I had all the fixings to clean up and put away in containers as Purple went out the door with hers too go.

Now, I have a request from a young , long time friend. The mother of my Icy Blue. Her tea party is the 2nd, actually her 6 th birthday is the 3rd and I bought the fetti cake and sprinkles for the cupcakes I was going to make for the tea party. It has been changed to the 10 th so I have a few more days. She wants me to burn her a tea party music CD. The search will begin mañana.

I apologized to someone and decided not too ever apologize to some one else. Too much pain and heartache along with a boat load of lies. Then again never say never. They say Smile

For some it is easy to forgive and forget. I suppose they would be the ones who are not imprisoned and whose families have NOT lost practically everything along the way.

News today. All is forgiven…someone must be ecstatic. Wonder how she handles her guilty conscience ? She has never taken any responsibility or paid any dues. Those that choose to save their own ass seem to be favored in our judicial system. Terminology here is plain and simple. Snitch – someone acting as an informer or decoy for the police)

I choose not to vote
I choose not to be on a man-made jury

For the same reason I find myself to be part of a drama that I choose too be involved in. Still after 7-8 years it continues.

All is forgiven, how does that work ?

We have been torn apart in our hearts and cried so much over the vindictiveness in what happened.  Not my place to decide someone’s fate.
I am not the one to do that.

Some things are unforgivable.

But again, I am not the Judge.

I am also not the forgiving sort of person to a blatant liar and untrustworthy being.

and then I read this

Why is it so difficult for us to forgive others? Why do we find it so hard to let go?

Sometimes, even years after a certain incident; sometimes, even after they have apologized; sometimes, when they have hurt you unknowingly and have no idea that you are struggling to forgive them.

Why?

Because we are usually under the misconception that we will be doing them a favor by forgiving them.

That in fact, is not the case.

When we forgive someone, we actually do ourselves a huge favor because through forgiveness.

We release all the negative thoughts, emotions and energies that we are so desperately holding in our anger.

Replaying the moment again and again in our mind, torturing ourselves in so many ways.

It hurts us more than them, when we don’t forgive.

We find it hard to forgive because we think we are in the more powerful position when we hold back forgiveness.

Actually we are the weak ones, if that’s the kind of power we rely on to give us strength.

We are also not able to forgive because we take everything so personally.

Not everything another person does is done with a conscious intention of hurting you.

Sometimes they are just trying to protect themselves and that’s the best way they know how to protect themselves.

Haven’t you heard of the saying  ‘The Best Defense is Offense’?

We need to give allowance to others for their insecurities and their imperfections without taking things personally.

So even if you do it for the most selfish of reasons, go ahead and forgive.

First, forgive yourself for holding the grudge for as long as you did.

Then, forgive the other person.

Finally, be proud of yourself.

Author Unknown

On to something else

I don’t know what’s worse~ being expected to do something or being told what to do and how to do it. I believe anything a woman can do a man can do just as well…even if they don’t like the softness of dish pan hands.

Never was about “that’s a woman’s job or Hey, that’s a man’s job”.

I don’t need a man to take the garbage out and get rid of annoying bugs for me, unless of course he turns into one… an annoying better than you bug.

conflict

Halloween Moons


pumpkins

Halloween
This night the veil is thin
Hallowed Eve
Be aware of everything
Notice all
Listen
See
be open
do not fear the dark
There is much light from the darkness
Burn a candle
Play festive music
Allow and rejoice
You walk in the here and now
the present
the beyond needs to know you
remember they have gifts for us
10/30/03

Cynthia Rivera  © 2003

Hope you have a Great Halloween and Happiest Birthday Month (Scorpions).

movgoldspiderweb

Good Read

Yes, I still see intrinsically as to my nature and see signs and even run into them sometimes. I dang near knocked myself out. I seen stars and comets.

They say everything is speeding up really fast now and I totally feel it.

 

I have two doctor appointments this week. My LBC is still low and the platelets are going way low. I do sleep a good bit. But, hey I will be 64 on the 18 th of November and a lady needs her beauty sleep.

Besides, my flying dreams are just so awesome.

A good man gets out of prison Feb 2013. He seems so changed. Prison does that. It allows you the time and space to really see yourself.

I believe that is the only positive thing I can say about prison. Of course other then I am glad I have never been there. Came close

It is not possible to be separate; we are each a point of light within the greater light

LaUna Huffines

I just checked my mail and they sent me a jury summons. I never go to them and YES they are suppose to put warrants out. But, hasn’t happened yet so I am not gonna worry about it.

Don’t be a stranger

I miss the changing of the leaves, palms don’t change colors

Old_Martz_Farm2

 

Where I Roamed

 

Steering Wheel

The Blessing in Starting Over


I PROMISE MYSELF

Starting Over more times than I like to recall at times. The numerous pebbles on my path, a few boulders and too many detours have led me on my journey;  through the dark and dangerous woods into the clearing that was always within my reach. I just had to grasp it, understand the simplicity of it.I will be turning 64 years on this journey on November 18 th.

I have been going through my blogs and noticing that I posted numerous things on Dark Night of the Soul, transformation and going with the flow. I am moving so fast it seems. My thoughts seem to trail off and yet come back stronger, so intense yet comprehensible if only too me Smile

My dreams have been very revealing. They show me my deep and forever love I have for my parents. I have conversations with them. This was something I missed growing up.  We lived in another era it seems.

We ate together most evenings as a family but never really knew each other. There were no overly displays of affection. I always had the notion that when I was old enough I would leave, travel, move on a whim and I did.

Many times I lived far from my roots and knew no one. Casual acquaintances became my mainstay. Now, I am acquainted with my siblings. All are still living many miles away from me. We seldom see each other. I have the means to see them, to hear them with the aid of technology. They do not seem to have the time or a cam to Skype. Something just doesn’t feel right. I want to hold them more often. Gaze into their eyes and sip a cup of Chai tea. Be silly and play childhood games.

I wonder at times if I will see them again.

I wrote this back in 2003
I believe I am related somehow to that Seagull, you know Jonathan Seagull. I just reread his story again. First off I have always felt different. Having been raised since the age of 12 as a Jehovah’s Witness it changed the course of my life in many ways. Religion has never been a past time of mine. I do believe in a higher power and  I believe that universal powers of love and compassion will be what saves us~ not religion per se’.

When I was in the eighth grade (Jr.High School) I had my first feelings of ridicule and rejection by my peers. Our class each morning scheduled a student to have a prepared quote and our interpretation of it.I remember my quote was “Two Heads are better than One” fairly self-explanatory. The part that came next was to lead the class in prayer and a salute to our National Flag.In hindsight I should have taken the responsibility of informing my teacher that I did not participate in these activities in lieu of my religious beliefs, or rather my mama’s beliefs. How embarrassing it was for me to stand there, and do nothing while the students waited. I could hear snickers and hushed laughter. The teacher walked to my side and asked if there was a problem. I said I cannot do this as it is against my religious beliefs. I was excused.

Then as I grew older I was looked upon as someone who couldn’t do most of the activities that school age kids do. There were no school dances for me or anything that would bring me into association with the in-crowd, the good kids, the popular ones. I again felt as an outcast, different from the rest.

By the time I entered High School I had become fairly popular on my own. If I couldn’t go to the dances, I would just run with a different crowd. The wild crowd. I began experimenting with the opposite sex and found that I could get my way fairly easily. I needed to hear them say just three words “I love You” and I was on to my next conquest.

During this time I was expelled, disassociated from the religion. No one in the organization could or would have anything to do with me and this was great. The only one major problem was this included my beloved sisters. My brother was too young to realize the impact being disfellowshipped had on a person. In this regard I barely know him.

Since our dad died he has stayed in contact with his sisters. I married as soon as I graduated, had a daughter, went back to the so-called “TRUTH”, and was eventually disfellowshipped again. First time fornication,second adultery, the third time was the charm. My offense was smoking cigarettes.

I traveled to Europe with my husband and small child. My family at the time knew little about my where a bouts and I survived without them in my life. I missed them, but I survived.

I became involved with anything to take my mind off my life, my non-existent caring family. Drugs and alcohol became my religion. I was very faithful to these vices.

After divorcing my husband and being at the time a bad influence on my beloved daughter; I left her with her dad in 1980 and moved cross-country. I saw my parents one time in 1981,they visited me when my daughter had come out for the summer. I did not see and rarely heard from them for the next 12 years. They had excused, rejected and expelled me once again from there lives. My mama asked me many years later in 93 when they had received permission to associate with family members why I had been so bad. I almost laughed at her. How can one feel loved or even lovable when their own parents disown them? She told me there was not a sunrise or sunset that she didn’t wonder how I was and if  I were safe, alive even. I was cut off, cut out of their life like a bad moldy piece of cheese.
The Perils of being Disfellowshipped

I sought love elsewhere, and in many wrong avenues. I am not blaming my parents. My father passed and as of this writing my mama has shunned all three of her daughters once again as of August 31st 2002.

It has been a long year~ one of growth and reflection. I have grown in love and compassion and I do my utmost to overlook other’s flaws. I try to respect their beliefs whatever they may be and however distant it takes us apart. I treasure the years when they were back in my life.

We were a family once again like old times. My sisters and my baby brother and I have become acquainted and find that we  really are very lovable people and that no one can take that from us. Unconditional love has taken on a whole new meaning to me.

Like Jonathan we sometimes have to step away from some one else’s so-called normal world and do our own thing.

Dance to our own music.

Everyone’s heart doesn’t always beat to the same melody.
And that’s just fine with me.

Written by “zimba” Cynthia Martz© 2003

Easter

1958

I am a Scorpio Sun (November 18, 1948)

Gemini Moon

But I am really RISING Aquarius

Notes:

You come across as quite a cool and distant sort of person. You prefer to look at life from an impersonal point of view and therefore find it easy to get along with all sorts of different people.

You may even have a posture that leans slightly backwards and your body language tells other people not to come too close.

You require a lot of space and freedom of movement –
you don’t like reporting on your every move.

You have plenty of originality and your style of dressing reflects this most appropriately. Being different does, however, attract attention, ironically the very thing you dislike so much.

It is not surprising that much of your outward appearance, or the way you present yourself to others is determined by the Rising Sign

Aquarius: The best quality of Aquarius is your humanitarian attitude. The worst quality is argumentativeness. A key phrase is “I know.” Aquarian are seen as progressive. When we speak of the Age of Aquarius, we are speaking of a period beginning now and extending into the future, with all the possibilities the future has to offer. Aquarian may be well-informed or even visionary in your thinking. You may not be grounded in the practical application of your ideas. Focused on a universal goal, you may not attend to the needs of individuals in ordinary circumstances.

Aquarian have advanced ideas. You are original and scientific in your methods, and you are strongly interested in education, for yourself and for others. You often prefer to learn through conversation with others, rather than through straight book studies. There is an unconventional quality in your thinking – you can take apples and oranges and make something greater of you.

Aquarians are generally pleasant, but you are also assertive. Your determination can turn to argument when you don’t get your way, and you can be unsympathetic to the views of others. Your temperament is affected by the world outside yourself, and can become cranky at times, or even rebellious. Your usual cheerful manner and understanding of human nature make you skillful social beings, but you may be somewhat reclusive, needing a lot of private time to think things through.

The Butterfly has Wings


These thoughts were occupying my mind last night as I prepared to sleep. Oddly enough with other things on my mind I dreamed I was back in Tangier. We were remembered and everything seemed so much the same.

Many things are coming to mind.

Changes.

We stay safe in our cocoons, waiting for the right moment when we emerge as the beautiful creature the universe intended us to be.  Ready to fly.

Some persons hate change, they can not cope with it and would prefer everything to stay neat and tiny, organized and comfortable. This is not realistic. Things happen, people do change, they move away, they leave this earthly plane.

Do we have the tendencies to fear change because inevitably someone gets bruised ?

Are our minds so set in not rocking the boat so too speak that we miss the experience all together ?

I believe in living each day the best I can. I deal with situations that arise with minimal thought. I make an effort to NOT over think everything.

I try to not make assumptions and let the universal plan move forward without interference.

When someone we care about (I Love you Long Time) comes to mind. When this person hurts us, disrespects us and gives us so little in regards to what we give or have given them. Perhaps this person is ill, growing older and facing all the changes coming into their life. We know not their heart.

Geez, how much do we know of our own heart ?

An example. A couple is married for many years (26). The husband decides to leave the relationship after the children are grown. The couple do not divorce but live separately for over 5 years. The husband reconsiders what life has presented him with and wants another chance. The wife in the mean time has been struck by loves swift arrow when she wasn’t even looking. The husband is hurt and feels betrayed. How, I ask can he validate his feelings?

It’s as if she has been encased in this small cocoon, safe and sound, waiting to emerge. She used the excuse of perks but no commitment because she was already married. In name only.

As she emerged into the world she realized that love was attainable and she embraced it. At long last she in turn has become the transformation she desired and could finally realize.

Comments welcome at my Facebook page

Eclectic Avenue (Cryominute)