Cycles of Pain,Conflict and Drama

The bottom line? Someone doesn’t have to be a bad person to not be good for you.

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Some-persons-have-a

I was reminded of something of importance last evening in a overt manner .

As a former drama queen it resonated with me.

Many are similar in dealing with the aftermath of breakups in relationships.

I can not fault anyone for the ongoing drama in the rollercoaster of one’s mind.

The what if’s and why scenario’s.
Why did he do this too me?
Why did I allow him to treat me so badly IF it could only inadvertently result in relationship deterioration and breakdowns. Why did I tolerate the crap so long?
We become so desensitized to the conflict drama and ongoing belittlement of us.We get used to feeling like we in fact must be the crazee one, or why would they not have loved us as they promised too do in the beginnings of the relationship.

The Path Forward

Initially, he’s the man of your dreams, then he becomes maddeningly unavailable.This is coming from a deep place of fear that he’s not hearing or understanding you, so you feel compelled to pursue a resolution very intensely.

Depending on the guy, he’ll either give in and continue the fight or pull away and make you feel even more neglected.
It’s easy to chalk that up to the men you’re in a relationship with.

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While they certainly may be at fault if you truly start to feel as though they’re always the same, you might be the common denominator.
You~They may have a self-imposed doormat policy in effect and not even know it.

The important thing to remember is it’s this loss of routine that is causing you pain. Don’t make the mistake of misinterpreting this pain as being intrinsically connected to the love you shared with your ex.

Settling means, at some level, you resent (i.e. resist) some of these differences but choose to live with them because it would be too uncomfortable or scary to do otherwise. The trouble with settling is it tends to grow like a cancer until you’ve found that your entire relationship is just one big resentment-filled settlement (i.e. you are now officially just roommates).

or perhaps THEY are like a comfy pair of bedroom slippers you have a problem letting go of.

In psychology, desensitization is defined as the diminished emotional responsiveness to a negative, aversion or positive stimulus after repeated exposure to it.

Some persons have a defined relationship where they thrive on drama … They have become addicted to the dysfunction, the toxicity of their relationship to the point that they have lost the meaning of what is healthy, what is normal, and what they as individuals deserve.

Drama is like a game of ping pong. Someone has to hit the ball back to you if you want to have a game. When you refuse to play, their drama gets diffused. As they see your commitment to this new way of life, their drama will begin to decrease.

The bottom line? Someone doesn’t have to be a bad person to not be good for you.

Jar_Of_Hearts

and you are not a bad person for wanting too be happy in a dysfunctional world of betrayals.

Ninnyhammer


Unplugged

(Click to Enlarge)

Definition of Ninnyhammer

A fool or a silly person.
Analysis: The word “fool,” unless you’re Mr. T, is sometimes woefully inadequate to express the stupidity of the person you’re talking about. So use Ninnyhammer. Or at least ‘Ninny’.

“Love Bombers”

The Ties That Bind – Releasing Toxic Relationships : In5D Esoteric, Metaphysical, and Spiritual Database


In the Art of Bushido a true “warrior” is asked to find Gratitude when a weakness is exposed, as it gives them an Opportunity to reinforce their armor, if you will. A toxic relationship is where we find the same kind of opportunity for Gratitude and Growth. But we must remove our own energy from the energy of the poisonous interaction, and change it, in order to release the ties that bind.

via The Ties That Bind – Releasing Toxic Relationships : In5D Esoteric, Metaphysical, and Spiritual Database.

warrior_light

Photo Source Unknown

Relationship Boomerang: Why It’s Hard to Get Rid of a Psychopath | Psychopathyawareness’s Blog


 

I changed my number

via Relationship Boomerang: Why It’s Hard to Get Rid of a Psychopath | Psychopathyawareness’s Blog.

Because You’re So Special


being_ourselves

Because you’re so SPECIAL…
by Annesthesia

You two have a “connection,” a rapport that he didn’t have with his ex. You have more things in common, similar personalities.

He’s pointed out all the ways that you two are so alike

– it’s just uncanny.

Source:

Because You’re So Special

Hearts Remember


The Heart Pies went over with a bang, like it was the 4th of July. They seem to put big smiles on special faces. Going over saved emails and cleaning up things that no longer serve my intentions. I found this. It is  dated 2006.

A truly wonderful writing.

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Photography Reflections by © Cynthia Martz 2013

I found this on the web years ago and saved it. It can no longer be found.

“When the ties that bind two hearts were broken and I began my life alone, I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I’d build walls of stone around my heart so high and so tall that no one could hurt me again!

Each row of blocks was set in place and cemented in angry tears of disappointment. Angry at someone I gave my heart, my soul, and my dreams to. Disappointed that they looked upon me as less then the dirt they walked on each day.

Over time, my anger was replaced with independence and self-determination that I would not buckle, I would not fall to my knees and make the same mistakes of my past. I promised myself to look at life without rose colored glasses and realize that my happiness comes from me…not from someone else. But in my haste to live all my tomorrows alone in a double bed, I realized… perhaps….one day, that I would regain some of my lost dreams. I knew that one day, I would peek out of this cramped private world of mine and reflect on lessons learned.

I look at how little I possess, but then I smile because what I have I earned, it is mine, and I will let no one take it from me. I sense so clearly the vulnerability and the struggle between my heart and mind. One whose purpose is to make me look behind, and see the trail of tears that have led me to where I am today. I am reminded that by letting someone in will risk finding out that I was just being played for a fool. Even before I take that first step, unsure if I will step onto solid ground or a bottomless downward fall, I panic!

I am safe in this world of aloneness. No one can hurt me, I won’t let them! Yet I can’t help but go about these quiet times, and notice the way that man looks at the one he loves! I can’t help but take a longer look as they share that heart pounding, delightful, never meant to end kiss. I see them as they walk hand in hand. I see the way they pause as something is whispered softly, and their arms pull each other close. I hear them as they tell each other, “I love you”; and I feel a tear try to escape my eyes as I turn away.

No one was meant to be alone any more then anyone deserved to be hurt. But men and women are hurt every day, in every way, and unlike me, they stay in that relationship, void of mutual love. Worse yet, are those who finally broke free and hide in the shadows of bitterness. Every woman or every man is looked at the same way…full of selfishness, coldness, short tempered, mocking, demanding, and once more, in the back of our mind, when we least are prepared, we feel “We were to blame”! Abuser’s love to taunt us, and make us believe “WE” are to blame, not them“.

But I promised myself, that I will never accept blame, nor let my tears fall for what other’s did! One day they will have to face the mean things they have done. I am responsible for only those things “I do”! I don’t want someone to bring happiness into my life. I want someone to be the best part of each day and to compliment all two can share together. I want them to feel, as I do, that life is as special as two people want to make it. To believe that teamwork gets more accomplished then that of a boss! I will never again accept someone who dominates and makes me do as they say…”or else”.

I never want to fear them as I see them raise their hand. I want to know that their hand will gently caress my cheek. I want to feel the softness of a lover’s touch…a touch so soft and soothing that I could melt within their arms! I want to be able to exchange ideas, without fear of rejection. I want them to know that I understand that sometimes they must lead, just as I too must sometimes lead. But more often then not, I want to walk through these remaining years left to us, at each others side! I don’t want to wake up alone, I don’t want to die alone and unloved.

I want them to merge into my life without addictions because addictions destroy relationships sooner or later, they take their life away, long before we were meant to say our final farewell! I want to be their addiction. I want them to want my love and laughter, I want to be the best part of their day! And in return I would pledge to be all that I could be for them. Commitment, compatibly, mutual interests, comedy, forgiveness, respect, trust, and empathy, these are the ties that bind two hearts year after year!

I have promised myself I would wait till eternity ends before I will allow someone to hurt me again, and that promise remains unbroken! It remains unbroken because I just can’t take that chance to let someone in! Shyness will always be the toughest barrier to overcome….to let someone see my smile! “Baby steps” I call it, one small step at a time! Yet there are millions of men and women out in the world, who are skeptical, hesitant, and afraid to open the door to their heart, even just a crack.

They are safer, they whisper to stay alone. They fear that someone will want to change them, to take away what little they have. Communication and honesty must prevail if  someone… is to make the quantum leap from “ME” to “WE”! I believe that for every problem there is a solution….and often times it takes two to find that solution.

I wish all those who found that someone special continued happiness. I wish for those who want to love but are afraid, to go to your library and read books about relationships. Find out if there are singles support groups that could help ease some of your worries and concerns. If you are happy alone, then you know best, and I will never seek to change your mind. For those who are lonely, I wish you strength to look within yourself and see what you are willing to give to them, and what you, in return need from them to feel that they are the right person to take a chance on!”

Raymond.

© 2006 Raymond Cook (All rights reserved)

Lies~ Hidden There


Mask

Photo by

Mela (Meliha Gojak)

I really should have been involved in Investigative Journalism. I seem to be able to sort and find hidden things.

I am intrigued at the moment with the In Session trial of Jodi Arias. Many similarities to Casey Anthony.

This came to me today in a message:

From Source Links found here

Now it is time to focus on going deeper into knowing.

Look to share what you’ve learned in a way that encourages growth in others.

You may find the truth becoming oddly important and find yourself compelled to be bluntly honest.

Your intuition will heighten, or at least your awareness of intuitive insights.

Whole book loads of information could be downloaded into your consciousness now.

Suddenly you just know things- you may not be able to prove how you know them, you just do. “Something is happening here. What it is ain’t exactly clear”.

Be honest in your communications. This authenticity is what creates trust, and trust is something you can have if you open your heart.

Take emotional risks and while you heal your world you make it easier for others to heal theirs- no effort goes wasted Scorpio.

Stand tall in your power.

The new you is learning to live a life without secrets.

Surrounding yourself with people you don’t need to hide from.

The phoenix rising from the ashes is one of your symbols, along with the scorpion and the Eagle.

You are no stranger to the dark side of life.

You are drawn to the crises points as this is where true growth occurs.

Associated with sexual energy, Scorpio loves to get Involved, going down deeper, coming up dirtier, and laying bare anything that lies hidden there.