Cycles of Pain,Conflict and Drama

The bottom line? Someone doesn’t have to be a bad person to not be good for you.


 

Some-persons-have-a

I was reminded of something of importance last evening in a overt manner .

As a former drama queen it resonated with me.

Many are similar in dealing with the aftermath of breakups in relationships.

I can not fault anyone for the ongoing drama in the rollercoaster of one’s mind.

The what if’s and why scenario’s.
Why did he do this too me?
Why did I allow him to treat me so badly IF it could only inadvertently result in relationship deterioration and breakdowns. Why did I tolerate the crap so long?
We become so desensitized to the conflict drama and ongoing belittlement of us.We get used to feeling like we in fact must be the crazee one, or why would they not have loved us as they promised too do in the beginnings of the relationship.

The Path Forward

Initially, he’s the man of your dreams, then he becomes maddeningly unavailable.This is coming from a deep place of fear that he’s not hearing or understanding you, so you feel compelled to pursue a resolution very intensely.

Depending on the guy, he’ll either give in and continue the fight or pull away and make you feel even more neglected.
It’s easy to chalk that up to the men you’re in a relationship with.

conflict.jpg

While they certainly may be at fault if you truly start to feel as though they’re always the same, you might be the common denominator.
You~They may have a self-imposed doormat policy in effect and not even know it.

The important thing to remember is it’s this loss of routine that is causing you pain. Don’t make the mistake of misinterpreting this pain as being intrinsically connected to the love you shared with your ex.

Settling means, at some level, you resent (i.e. resist) some of these differences but choose to live with them because it would be too uncomfortable or scary to do otherwise. The trouble with settling is it tends to grow like a cancer until you’ve found that your entire relationship is just one big resentment-filled settlement (i.e. you are now officially just roommates).

or perhaps THEY are like a comfy pair of bedroom slippers you have a problem letting go of.

In psychology, desensitization is defined as the diminished emotional responsiveness to a negative, aversion or positive stimulus after repeated exposure to it.

Some persons have a defined relationship where they thrive on drama … They have become addicted to the dysfunction, the toxicity of their relationship to the point that they have lost the meaning of what is healthy, what is normal, and what they as individuals deserve.

Drama is like a game of ping pong. Someone has to hit the ball back to you if you want to have a game. When you refuse to play, their drama gets diffused. As they see your commitment to this new way of life, their drama will begin to decrease.

The bottom line? Someone doesn’t have to be a bad person to not be good for you.

Jar_Of_Hearts

and you are not a bad person for wanting too be happy in a dysfunctional world of betrayals.

Ninnyhammer


Unplugged

(Click to Enlarge)

Definition of Ninnyhammer

A fool or a silly person.
Analysis: The word “fool,” unless you’re Mr. T, is sometimes woefully inadequate to express the stupidity of the person you’re talking about. So use Ninnyhammer. Or at least ‘Ninny’.

“Love Bombers”

The Ties That Bind – Releasing Toxic Relationships : In5D Esoteric, Metaphysical, and Spiritual Database


In the Art of Bushido a true “warrior” is asked to find Gratitude when a weakness is exposed, as it gives them an Opportunity to reinforce their armor, if you will. A toxic relationship is where we find the same kind of opportunity for Gratitude and Growth. But we must remove our own energy from the energy of the poisonous interaction, and change it, in order to release the ties that bind.

via The Ties That Bind – Releasing Toxic Relationships : In5D Esoteric, Metaphysical, and Spiritual Database.

warrior_light

Photo Source Unknown

Relationship Boomerang: Why It’s Hard to Get Rid of a Psychopath | Psychopathyawareness’s Blog


 

I changed my number

via Relationship Boomerang: Why It’s Hard to Get Rid of a Psychopath | Psychopathyawareness’s Blog.

Because You’re So Special


being_ourselves

Because you’re so SPECIAL…
by Annesthesia

You two have a “connection,” a rapport that he didn’t have with his ex. You have more things in common, similar personalities.

He’s pointed out all the ways that you two are so alike

– it’s just uncanny.

Source:

Because You’re So Special

Hearts Remember


The Heart Pies went over with a bang, like it was the 4th of July. They seem to put big smiles on special faces. Going over saved emails and cleaning up things that no longer serve my intentions. I found this. It is  dated 2006.

A truly wonderful writing.

Reflections06

Photography Reflections by © Cynthia Martz 2013

I found this on the web years ago and saved it. It can no longer be found.

“When the ties that bind two hearts were broken and I began my life alone, I made a promise to myself. I promised myself that I’d build walls of stone around my heart so high and so tall that no one could hurt me again!

Each row of blocks was set in place and cemented in angry tears of disappointment. Angry at someone I gave my heart, my soul, and my dreams to. Disappointed that they looked upon me as less then the dirt they walked on each day.

Over time, my anger was replaced with independence and self-determination that I would not buckle, I would not fall to my knees and make the same mistakes of my past. I promised myself to look at life without rose colored glasses and realize that my happiness comes from me…not from someone else. But in my haste to live all my tomorrows alone in a double bed, I realized… perhaps….one day, that I would regain some of my lost dreams. I knew that one day, I would peek out of this cramped private world of mine and reflect on lessons learned.

I look at how little I possess, but then I smile because what I have I earned, it is mine, and I will let no one take it from me. I sense so clearly the vulnerability and the struggle between my heart and mind. One whose purpose is to make me look behind, and see the trail of tears that have led me to where I am today. I am reminded that by letting someone in will risk finding out that I was just being played for a fool. Even before I take that first step, unsure if I will step onto solid ground or a bottomless downward fall, I panic!

I am safe in this world of aloneness. No one can hurt me, I won’t let them! Yet I can’t help but go about these quiet times, and notice the way that man looks at the one he loves! I can’t help but take a longer look as they share that heart pounding, delightful, never meant to end kiss. I see them as they walk hand in hand. I see the way they pause as something is whispered softly, and their arms pull each other close. I hear them as they tell each other, “I love you”; and I feel a tear try to escape my eyes as I turn away.

No one was meant to be alone any more then anyone deserved to be hurt. But men and women are hurt every day, in every way, and unlike me, they stay in that relationship, void of mutual love. Worse yet, are those who finally broke free and hide in the shadows of bitterness. Every woman or every man is looked at the same way…full of selfishness, coldness, short tempered, mocking, demanding, and once more, in the back of our mind, when we least are prepared, we feel “We were to blame”! Abuser’s love to taunt us, and make us believe “WE” are to blame, not them“.

But I promised myself, that I will never accept blame, nor let my tears fall for what other’s did! One day they will have to face the mean things they have done. I am responsible for only those things “I do”! I don’t want someone to bring happiness into my life. I want someone to be the best part of each day and to compliment all two can share together. I want them to feel, as I do, that life is as special as two people want to make it. To believe that teamwork gets more accomplished then that of a boss! I will never again accept someone who dominates and makes me do as they say…”or else”.

I never want to fear them as I see them raise their hand. I want to know that their hand will gently caress my cheek. I want to feel the softness of a lover’s touch…a touch so soft and soothing that I could melt within their arms! I want to be able to exchange ideas, without fear of rejection. I want them to know that I understand that sometimes they must lead, just as I too must sometimes lead. But more often then not, I want to walk through these remaining years left to us, at each others side! I don’t want to wake up alone, I don’t want to die alone and unloved.

I want them to merge into my life without addictions because addictions destroy relationships sooner or later, they take their life away, long before we were meant to say our final farewell! I want to be their addiction. I want them to want my love and laughter, I want to be the best part of their day! And in return I would pledge to be all that I could be for them. Commitment, compatibly, mutual interests, comedy, forgiveness, respect, trust, and empathy, these are the ties that bind two hearts year after year!

I have promised myself I would wait till eternity ends before I will allow someone to hurt me again, and that promise remains unbroken! It remains unbroken because I just can’t take that chance to let someone in! Shyness will always be the toughest barrier to overcome….to let someone see my smile! “Baby steps” I call it, one small step at a time! Yet there are millions of men and women out in the world, who are skeptical, hesitant, and afraid to open the door to their heart, even just a crack.

They are safer, they whisper to stay alone. They fear that someone will want to change them, to take away what little they have. Communication and honesty must prevail if  someone… is to make the quantum leap from “ME” to “WE”! I believe that for every problem there is a solution….and often times it takes two to find that solution.

I wish all those who found that someone special continued happiness. I wish for those who want to love but are afraid, to go to your library and read books about relationships. Find out if there are singles support groups that could help ease some of your worries and concerns. If you are happy alone, then you know best, and I will never seek to change your mind. For those who are lonely, I wish you strength to look within yourself and see what you are willing to give to them, and what you, in return need from them to feel that they are the right person to take a chance on!”

Raymond.

© 2006 Raymond Cook (All rights reserved)

Lies~ Hidden There


Mask

Photo by

Mela (Meliha Gojak)

I really should have been involved in Investigative Journalism. I seem to be able to sort and find hidden things.

I am intrigued at the moment with the In Session trial of Jodi Arias. Many similarities to Casey Anthony.

This came to me today in a message:

From Source Links found here

Now it is time to focus on going deeper into knowing.

Look to share what you’ve learned in a way that encourages growth in others.

You may find the truth becoming oddly important and find yourself compelled to be bluntly honest.

Your intuition will heighten, or at least your awareness of intuitive insights.

Whole book loads of information could be downloaded into your consciousness now.

Suddenly you just know things- you may not be able to prove how you know them, you just do. “Something is happening here. What it is ain’t exactly clear”.

Be honest in your communications. This authenticity is what creates trust, and trust is something you can have if you open your heart.

Take emotional risks and while you heal your world you make it easier for others to heal theirs- no effort goes wasted Scorpio.

Stand tall in your power.

The new you is learning to live a life without secrets.

Surrounding yourself with people you don’t need to hide from.

The phoenix rising from the ashes is one of your symbols, along with the scorpion and the Eagle.

You are no stranger to the dark side of life.

You are drawn to the crises points as this is where true growth occurs.

Associated with sexual energy, Scorpio loves to get Involved, going down deeper, coming up dirtier, and laying bare anything that lies hidden there.

Just Fly


Just close your eyes and Fly

I found this photograph on this blog post…click it to visit

Just Fly

She said “Now I know there isn’t enough love on the planet to change someone who isn’t ready to change.

Now I can stop dreaming, wishing, hoping and wanting and just go ahead and fly!”

My comment:

I resonate with that one. You can’t change people. It has taken me a very long time to realize that statement.

The only person you can change is yourself.

Sometimes, you have to walk away from persons that you felt were the love’s of your life.

They proved me wrong, time and time again.

Life’s Highway and Byways


bike_ridingbyArt Anderson

Country photography by Art Anderson

She was off work for the afternoon, we talked. I had given her a book too read on the Nephilim. She started in on how her grandma had force-fed her the way of the truth.

I asked about the adoption and if she knew about it.

She said she had lived with mom and dad for over a year and went to school from their house. I mentioned that too a young mind it may have seemed like a year, but it wasn’t.

When I left to move further North she was with me.

She started 1 st  grade. She proved to be a handful and I was working two jobs. It seemed she was always at one or the other of babysitters.

My younger sibling left to go to West.

My roomie moved back too her family’s home.

I in turn moved to the city again.

I had taken my daughter to the farm her dad worked on.

A new love interest had recently moved in with him.

She was on some form of probation and they thought the living circumstance would help her.

I then met a LOVE BOMBER (75) and my life began to swirl out of control with abuse and disillusionment.

I decided it best to let her stay at her dad’s.

His new love did not want to be a step-Mom. They eventually married. She had a baby. She did indeed raise my child for 6 years until she left  and went back to her first husband.

He chased her and her daughter out-of-town with a shotgun when he caught her in his bed with his best friend.

In the mean time…

this is when my child stayed with Mom and Dad. Then back too her dad and finally his mother on Canberra Court.

He ran off to Key West to avoid some legal matters he had, by all intent and purposes was declared dead.

I hopped a bus and moved cross-country. During this time she came to live with me out West in Salt Lake and California.

She had a diary. I was looking through it one day and noticed entries about her dad and realized he was very much alive. She had planned on going there too live with him.

This is when I decided to try to catch her in-between her moves.

I drove to Michigan from California.

Within a few days I had changed the bald tires and was heading for Maryland.

When I arrived I was informed my girl was gone.

Her grandmother (Dad’s Mother ) was vague about her whereabouts, but I knew.

She had lived with me in Michigan for almost 2 years.

At first she was in regular school and then after her return I found an alternative school in St.Joseph (mostly uppity white girls) that she managed to get kicked out of.

Before that she abruptly took her SELF out of school around Thanksgiving and got a bus back too Key West.

I had expected her back within two weeks and remember calling. I located her by phone at a local arcade.

My phone bill was astronomical. She had run it up prior to leaving and then my trying too locate her added to the expense.

I paid for her to come back on the train after a few months.

This is when she came back with quite the stash.

Mind you she was supposedly being threaten by drug lords in Key West.

Two years of total chaos, me working three jobs and her left to her vices.

I had given her the entire front room and I took the small bedroom.

She had Parties in the house, drank all my hidden liquor, smoked up all my cigarettes. Had her friends eating out of my cupboards.

I remember it had snowed so much and the car and everything else was buried.

She wanted to go to this quaint little place  in St.Joseph that had trains and other Xmas festive things all around.

I told her we were snowed in.

She said I will shovel out.

Not thinking that she could I agreed.

Next thing I know she has about five guys all with shovels in hand and I had to concede that possibly we would get be getting out and about.

No one was on the roads and we had so much fun.

We went to the mall and did circle 8’s in the snow. We came home and ended up walking to High’s for dinner.

It was beautiful with the snow falling and I felt so close too my daughter.

I met someone, another LOVE BOMBER (85)

She said she was moving back to Key West too become an escort.

I guess I had LOST the rights to be in control and everything was spiraling.

She stayed with her friend and her father, because her dad and his new friend were too strict on her.

She met her future husband and the rest as they say is history.

End

What’s On Your Mind?


 I made this especially for anyone interested in Cat Power.

 Ever notice how Facebook wants to know “What’s on Your Mind”? Continue looking at your page. Have you posted something some one might be interested in ? More than likely the answer is Yes, because we tend to say “What is on our minds ”
Others wear a mask and hide behind their little Facebook wall.
Guess that is why I have not hit above 50 on friends.
How many can you have and still relate?
My Thoughts:
This song haunts me.
I listen to it over and over.
My first reaction was that it was about a person,depressed and giving up.

The more I listen I believe it is a song about transformation.
Freeing one’s self from the throes of addiction,whether it be alcohol,drugs or loving the wrong person.
The vulnerable qualities of her voice amaze me.

Lyrics:

Once I wanted to be the greatest
No wind or waterfall could STALL me
And then came the rush of the flood
The stars at night turned DEEP to dust
Melt me down
into big black Armor
Leave no trace
Of grace
Just in your honor
Lower me down
TO CULPRIT SOUTH
Make ‘EM WASH A SPACE IN TOWN
FOR THE LEAD
AND THE DREGS OF MY BED
I’VE BEEN SLEEPING
Lower me down
PIN ME IN
Secure the grounds
For the later parade
Once I wanted to be the greatest
TWO FISTS OF SOLID ROCK
WITH BRAINS THAT COULD EXPLAIN
Any feeling
Lower me down
PIN ME IN
Secure the grounds
FOR THE LEAD
AND THE DREGS OF MY BED
I’VE BEEN SLEEPING
For the later parade
Once I wanted to be the greatest
No wind or water fall could STALL me
And then came the rush of the flood
The stars at night turned DEEP to dust