He’s Dangerous~ A Bomb~ Kick It to the Curb

The Path Forward
The Path Forward
(Click on Picture)

I just put both these books on my Amazon list. Seems it’s the only kind of men I have had the misfortune too attract. Perhaps that is why I don’t feel the urge to connect in that way.
Perhaps I projected the wrong things back then…and needed to take a better look at myself.

I wish one person would have said this one word too me (He’s a LOVE BOMBER~ RUN) and then perhaps my eyes could have opened to that realization sooner. Instead it took me too many long and erratic years. He had a new victim lined up before he even let me fall off the limb. He had held onto ever so tightly for so long. Just Like a monkey on a limb, they will not let go until they have a firm hold on the next one.
He was inconsistent, insecure, he accused me of things, insinuated and said derogatory remarks. He would always say “I know you have someone else”. He was the one that always had someone else. He tried to project what he does, feels and thinks on too me and I did not like it. After all I have my own thoughts and feelings, I do not need anyone else’s.

Men seem to be intimidated, fearful of me of late. I am too much for them, and most men look for the weak ones.

Narcissistic Men,Psycho, Ninnyhammer’s…No Thank You

I Want All My Emotions

Lately I have been dreaming numbers,seeing them everywhere.
11:11 and 444 seem to be on my wavelengths.
I took this as perhaps a nudge to check my Numerology stats.

What I found was interesting.

I am 6-8-6

As you are so self-sacrificing you are also in danger of working yourself to the point of exhaustion. One of your life path lessons is to remember to care for yourself as much as you care for others.

Note:This is so true.I do care for others and often feel that I would like to be cared for with the same intensity.I am very perceptive of others needs.I go the extra mile more times than not.

Yep,that would be “Me”

There ya go,that service to others.In a earlier post I mentioned that I was a server in the restaurant business from coast to coast for over 35 years.You have to really like people to be in that occupation.

The term “Enough” always comes to my mind when I read things about worldly goods and materialistic things.Things that may make you feel good or help you lead a more simplified life.
Abundance is something I possess.It may not always be monetary,but it is so relevant in my life.I always seem to have “Enough”

“May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, and enough hope to bring you joy.”

For as long as I can remember persons have seeked me out for answers to their problems, there issues. It’s like “Hey, you’ve been there, what would you do?  How would you react ?
I would try to explain that my decisions may or may not work for them.If they were willing to listen,I tried to help them in someway.

I wrote this in 2003:
Many are feeling out of sorts.Many are seeing and hearing things they know from where but ask why.Much stress is involved in daily living,let this pass.Make no quick decisions.Let the waves settle that have sprung up in your waters.Let the mind be to not rationalize and tear every thought process to shreds.

What is right will be known to you.

You must believe this.

You must be more aware and open to these changes.

You may even miss them if you do not be on the alert.Get rest.Sleep when you feel drained.If you do not and continue to DO things that need to be done but can be done later you will pay .

Your mind will not recess what it needs it will short-circuit and you will feel scattered and useless.You will feel unimportant and you will feel that nothing matters.

Please understand that it is YOU that must see,hear and feel these things.

Then you can release them.

Others will see as if a veil has been lifted from there eyes.

Do not despair,be forgiving,there is always hope.

When we follow our heart, we follow OUR path of least resistance.

We enjoy what we do and do it joyously.


The Taurus/Scorpio polarity pulls us into deep, unexplored energies and spaces. Do we really want to go there? Do we really have a choice? The choice is between now or later. We simply cannot ignore the emotional dynamic of our soul and we really don’t want to. Our power is embodied in our emotions. And our ultimate peace and satisfaction requires the integration of our emotional energy into our body and psyche. And if you desire real and meaningful relationships with yourself and others, get started.

In relationship, women (and men) often notice that their partners are not emotionally available. The truth is that neither men nor women are emotionally unavailable to themselves. The only way to attract a partner that is emotionally available is to cultivate that level of attention to ourselves.

Feel your feelings. Keep feeling your feelings. Stay with your feelings without thinking about them, without interpreting them, without judging them.

Compassionately stay present to the rich expressions of your emotional body. Lovingly be with your instinctual self as you would be with a child or a pet.

Being present to our emotional energy is how we connect with our inner child, which we have all abandoned. Reconnecting with our inner child is the basis for healing our childhood wounds of abandonment. Reconnecting to our inner child leads us to reconnect with our soul. As we communicate with our soul and create real intimacy within ourselves, we open ourselves to attract deeper intimacy in relationship.

The more we become emotionally honest with ourselves, the more we can be honest (without blaming, dumping and projecting) with others. The more honest we are, the more alive and balanced we become. Emotional energy is a great attractor.

The more real we are, the more we can magnetize satisfying relationships and circumstances in our lives.


Healing is an inside affair, which requires shifting our attention from the outside in. We have to shift our mode of stimulation inwardly too. We have to stimulate and activate ourselves with our own attention.

To become a sensory human, we have to work with the emotional energy of our issues in our body and in our deep psyche. We discover the painful and empowering truth that no one can save us but ourselves. This is an ongoing, long-term, subtle and very personal process. There are no exact formulas that will deliver us pain-free to the other side.
The following are some guidelines that can help you be with your emotional energy in a healing and empowering way.

(1) Get in touch with the purity of your soul essence before attempting to heal your emotional body.

(2) Do your best to process from the neutral mind. In the neutral mind and heart we can listen, observe and be with our emotional energy with unconditional acceptance.

(3) In the world of emotions, our energy is usually not neutral. A neutral vantage point will however allow us to practice (a) accepting, (b) allowing and (c) loving what we experience.

(4) Notice in a nonjudgmental way how and where you restrict, hold back,resist and hesitate. Be with these sensations in your body.

(5) Monitor your reactions and responses. Notice how and when your responses are a result of automatic conditioning. Notice that when you are conscious of your soul essence how your reactions and responses are different. Monitoring the difference opens you to the possibility of freedom of choice.

(6) To love is a soul action. We have to invite our soul energy home into our body. Simply be with your energy like you would be with a child or a pet.

(7) Practice various ways to nurture your energy, including (a) letting go and relaxing, (b) accepting and allowing, (c) moving with connected, gentle exercise.

(8) Practice different attitudes of consciousness including being (a) unconditional, (b) flexible, (c) flowing, and (d) present~ listen and feel what is happening.

We realize the pure essence of our soul in our mind, but our soul is not embodied via the mind. We have to invite it in through the emotional body.
The soul reconnects through the physical and emotional bodies and the heart.
It is through conscious sensitivity that we pull in or retrieve our soul.

Credit is given (Marshall B. Rosenberg)

“Nonviolent Communication: a Language of Compassion,” Marshall B. Rosenberg,

(Highly recommended!!)

Two Bridges

The Wounded Healer

When you hear kids say, “talk to the hand”, there’s a reason for it. It’s an intuitive defense mechanism against the oncoming energies of emotion and mind. Quite clever really. The power of your own actions, attitudes, inner feelings, and ways is all you ever really have in this world.

via The Wounded Healer.


From Osho~

“He invoked complete inner freedom and the responsibility to oneself, not demanding superficial behavioural changes, but a deeper, inner transformation.Desires were to be accepted and surpassed rather than denied.Once this inner flowering had taken place, desires such as that for sex would be left behind”

I like that word surpassed.

Ok,get a piece of paper.I will write mine here and hopefully will not feel the desire to delete it.


” a little experiment. Close your doors and sit in the room, and just start writing your thoughts – whatsoever comes in your mind.

Don’t change them, because you need not show this piece of paper to anybody.

Just go on writing for ten minutes and then look at them: this is what your thinking is.

If you look at them, you will think this is some madman’s work.

If you show that piece of paper to your most intimate friend, he will also look at you and think, ”Have you gone crazy?”

And it is the same situation with him also.

But we go on hiding the craziness.

We have faces, and behind those faces we are madmen.”

Now, do it,get a piece of paper and just write ,do not think,randomness.

Don’t read any further until we exchange writings .OK ?

Scroll Down 

Just reply or private message me your nothingness and random writings.

+My Madness

Ok,that was smooth

I really was supposed to be in the shower but I peed my pants now I have to take a shower.

Random,not thinking.

The cat has been eating centipedes.I try to catch what I can and put them outside for their safety.

They are so neat centipedes.

All those legs and yet they all work so smoothly together.

You know I really wish I knew the keyboard.But I still type fast with two hands even.

I’ve done a lot of  journeying and web page design over the years.

I need a good kiss and hug ?

Hugs are easier.

I guess kissing is probably over rated since so few know how too really kiss a person.



For starters we did this wrong.The instructions were too using a piece of paper and I asked you too reply with your randomness.

Also the instructions said nothing about typing it out in notepad and then pasting it in here.

But that is not what I did.

I did it here with no safety net to delete, proofread what have you.safty doesn’t look spelled right safety there ya go.


What do you have ?

You wasn’t expose to read mine until we exchanged…Remember the instructions ???? Expose doesn’t look right maybe it is suppose to be supposed …OK.

Oh and it said to close the door and write on a piece of paper.

I do not follow directions very well at all.

My shower awaits me.

Dark Night of the Soul

It is difficult to know that your heart is not beating freely if the weight of the ego upon it is all you’ve ever known. Almost everyone suffers the same ailment. When we pass through the Dark Night we realize “I am a free Self and still connected to the world.”

Dark Night of Soul

The Mystic (Dark and light)

Embracing the Dark~Honoring the Light

Pluto Inner Darkness


“One of the principal goals of any spiritual path is to lead us to experience that the true essence of our soul is loving, peaceful, joyful and free.
As our upper chakras open we experience our true soul essence as love and light. The air and fire elements facilitate this liberating experience.This phase of our spiritual journey covers both the taste of the ecstasy of Light and the agony of the dark night of the soul. We discover what the real cause of our pain and anguish is our perceived (unconscious) separation from God.

We realize that we have to work through all the dark thoughts,drop all alienating beliefs and release all false perceptions that keep our mind disconnected from the Divine. We become more and more content as we cultivate our inner relationship to our Divine Source and accept Maya for what it is.
We become more and more self-actualized as we learn to live our truth unflinchingly without letting outer circumstances distract us from our Divine Connection, or allowing external input to define our identity and our reality.

Working with the mental and subtle bodies is satisfying, but we notice that we cannot stay in this “enlightened” state all the time. This is when we realize that we have physical and emotional bodies that must also align with Spirit if we are to maintain this expanded state of consciousness. Enter the water and earth elements and the lower chakras. The good news is that the emotions are the sensory system of the soul. The bad news is that our work has just begun.


St. John of the Cross writes about the “dark night of the senses.” Seva Simran Singh has observed “that almost everyone on a spiritual path goes through the ‘dark night of the senses.’ Essentially it is when everything you are seeing, hearing and feeling starts to drive you nuts. You begin to experience that the behavior of the senses is out of sync with the intent of your soul and it becomes a battle for which one will dominate your consciousness. You seek solace by finding sensory stimulus that supports you soul – sacred places, art, deep meditation – but then it is right back into the trenches and the battle rages on. After a while you begin to realize that the senses have been conditioned by past lives and the impressions of this life and that what you are really battling is your own karmic tendencies which, as your soul wakes up, are no longer acceptable to you.”We must consciously work with our emotional body to release the samskaras or scars that distract us from our true essence. Our task is to break the attachment to those tendencies that pull us away from our pure essence. We do so by patiently healing our emotional wounds and by re-configuring our psyche to support our soul. This process can take years and perhaps is never really over.

There is however a point at which our soul essence begins to dominate our conscious attention. This is a turning point, after which the process of becoming our true selves gets deeper, richer and wonderfully satisfying. As we become more fully awake, we get more adept at rooting out old programming and releasing the hold of the past on our senses.

We are able to identify aspects of our life that are a function of outer reality and let go of sensations that have been cooped by conditioned responses. We learn to release unacceptable and confusing responses and replace them with authentic ones.
As we do so, our sensations become more and more pure expressions of our soul. We discover what it means to live and love at the level of our own truth, which is empowering and directing us from within.


“It is through meditation and sacred spaces that we get in touch with our soul and also retrain our senses experience reality through the eyes and ears and feelings of the soul. During the dark night of the senses this contrasts acutely with the tendency to experience reality through the eyes, ears and feelings of the ego and its conditioning. Thus we are both attracted and repulsed, desire and don’t desire, like and don’t like, love and hate, and so on, as the battle to win our senses rages on. We crave sensory stimulus that will remind us of our soul in order to escape from sensory stimulus that reminds us of our conditioning, known and unknown, personal and collective.”

When we actually experience our soul strongly enough, it begins to alter the mind so that the senses serve the soul. We no longer experience reality through the eyes and ears and feelings of our history/conditioning/ego.

In kundalini yoga this is called the sensory human.

The point about the dark night of the senses is that you don’t get there without a struggle to determine who or what is going to be in command of the senses and the way in which information is interpreted or filtered. Once you are there, your sadhana keeps you there and the journey is one of seeing and feeling and hearing through a different lens, a liberated one, free of time’s weight.

“The senses are capable of taking in billions and billions of bits of information across auditory, visual and kinesthetic spectrum’s vastly greater that what they have been conditioned to take in through genetics (collective history), samskaras (personal past life history), vassanas (personal- this life impressions) and the associated tendencies to distort, delete and generalize information.

When we tap into the sensory human we transcend our identification with the above and begin to open up the senses to their real potential as the eyes, ear and feelings of the soul.

“Our goal is to become what Yogi Bhajan calls a sensory human. We do so by passing through both the dark night of the soul and the dark night of the senses.

We re-train our senses to align with our soul, to obey a different master and to serve a different reality.”

A prose I wrote:

Oh blessed the night of sparkling stars
That brings forth the sun’s comforting light
Blessed and cherished sleep that renews our soul
for the day ahead~
come what may
another darkness of night to come
another daybreak
and so it continues

Written 8/17/03
Copyright ©2012 Cynthia Martz